Bereavement and loss

Grief is a positive emotion. It enables us to heal from the inevitable sadness and losses of life. However we all grieve differently. Some feel devastatingly pained by it, they can talk of nothing else and appear to be stuck and unable to move on. Others believe that they need to suffer in silence. Current losses may have triggered off old unexpressed grief from childhood. The feeling about the lost person may not have been straightforward. A difficult relationship may result in a confusion about grief. Grief is also complicated when the person has not died, for example a divorcee or broken family relationships.

The phases of beravement

1. Shock – experienced as a sense of numbness, withdrawal, inability to express emotions. ('It hasn’t really hit me yet’, ‘ I’m just going around in a daze’.)

2. Denial – acting as though no loss had occurred. Hallucinations (hearing their loved one’s voice)

3. Depression – despair, pain, crying moaning, wanting to give up

4. Guilt – Wished they had done something differently

5. Anxiety – panic about implications of loss

6. Anger - feeling victimized and trying to find someone or something to blame

7. Acceptance – letting go, saying good-bye, appreciating, forgiving – and moving on with hope.

How counselling can help

Often people find completing the grieving process difficult. They get stuck in one or other of these phases. Powerful childhood messages may not have approved of the grieving process(‘stiff-upper lip’ philosophy). If you are likely to for example, feel guilt or can’t get angry then this could prevent you from moving through the stages of grief. Counselling can offer you support during the bereavement process in order to reach the final stages of acceptance and moving on with hope.