Why is this happening to me?

‘If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts. But if he will begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.’
                                                                                       Francis Bacon

Relationships and families as we’ve known them seem to be falling apart at a rapid rate, inevitably this leads to feelings of hurt and anger. It often puts into question our ability to trust again and experience feelings of loneliness, rejection and loss.

In order to understand our own relationship difficulties we first need to take the courageous step of developing a more intimate relationship with ourselves.

The first and most influential experiences of personal relationships is when we are children. If our relationship with our parents were difficult, or we observed lack of communication, fighting and tension between our parents this may influence our relationships as adults.

If we experienced rejections, hurt, rigid rules, negative messages and losses as a child we may be unconsciously repeating these patterns as adults or avoiding intimate relationships in order to protect from anticipated rejection. It may be that you are questioning why you are always choosing the wrong person and end up hurt and seem to be unable to stop repeating this pattern. Maybe you are the person who does the rejecting, however feels lonely and desires closeness.

You may recognise how you have been preventing yourself from being the person you want to be. Perhaps parts of you are in hiding and need to emerge. When we keep parts of ourselves hidden, this may provide some protection. However it also means we are unable to know who we really are. A barrier hindering our relationships, aspirations, and joy of life.

Can counselling help you?

“The journey of recovery”

Counselling is a process out of which new perspectives, new ways of understanding and appreciating our lives, continually emerge.

In this journey we learn that many of those old rules and messages are not true, we become more and more aware of the powerful parts of us, our inner life and its major components our feelings.

We discover and understand what is stopping us from being truly who we are. This awareness offers us the first clear signs that change is possible. We begin to see for ourselves that this is now our own journey to rediscover our uniqueness.

We see that we are ok and what we feared was not true. We find that we really are good enough and with this simple truth, transformation happens. This means we are able to live a more balanced life and have closer relationships with others. Part of this process may be to identify our needs, grieve the pain of ungrieved losses or traumas and to work through core issues.

It requires courage to look directly and honestly into who we are. Yet when we do, we find a richness of aliveness waiting to be re-discovered. We can learn that our vulnerabilities are our strength. It teaches us to see more clearly what is happening. It guides us along the path to inner wisdom and opens the door to compassion for ourselves and others.